The Onion investigates Liberty City cops' incompetence

23 Comments by Justin McElroy Jun 9th 2008 10:30AM
Filed under: Culture

We've been railing against the LCPD for years, so it's nice to see a more mainstream publication like The Onion finally notice what we've been saying all along: Liberty City's cops are the absolute worst. Just look at this statistic: "Since the surge in crime, which began on April 28 at midnight, more than 830,000 civilians have been murdered-nearly one-tenth of Liberty City's total population." Unacceptable.

It's even threatening to drive some people out of town! "Sure, we have excellent radio stations and an incredible range of things to see and do here," public defender Kiki Jenkins says. "But if I were younger, I'd move to Mario World in a second." We hear you Kiki, we hear you.

[Thanks to everyone who sent this in.]

Tags: grand-theft-auto-iv, gta-iv, gtaiv, the-onion

Source

(Page 1) Reader Comments

syrik zero: Jun 9th 2008; 10:33AM

This is why I love JoyStiq. When there is nothing to post they post these awesome bits =D

baby sea tuna: Jun 9th 2008; 10:35AM

Holy crap, I can just save to clear my wanted level?! I wish I'd known that some 50 hours ago!

SoCoolCurt (PSN: KillaKornbread): Jun 9th 2008; 10:59AM

lol its like that in every GTA game. i always get scared they will take it out though in newer games. i really helps when you get up around 4+ stars.

Korova *Pyro aspect*: Jun 9th 2008; 12:16PM

That's why they are called Safe Houses.

It is a bit artificial, but so is everything else in GTA, a little.

Farseer (GDI): Jun 9th 2008; 10:38AM

I read and passed this around last week. God I love The Onion.

voodoo_craig: Jun 9th 2008; 10:39AM

"I was buying a hot dog from a street vendor in Hove Beach yesterday when I saw someone run a red light, barrel down the sidewalk, careen into a garbage truck, exit his vehicle, steal a nearby convertible, and drive away,"

Guilty....but it was worth it for that Feltzer!

Obie: Jun 9th 2008; 10:40AM

I love the Onion, they always nail it just right.

=DeadlyViNYL=: Jun 9th 2008; 10:48AM

Classic.

Chase: Jun 9th 2008; 10:48AM

Ludwig's lion cubs or Justin's McNugget Kids: whose offspring do I most want to bear?

I'm going to need some time to think, boys.

*gets tipsy, winds up impregnated with Chris's Horace Grants*

NOOOOOOOOO x'[

baby sea tuna: Jun 9th 2008; 10:58AM

This is the best Onion video-game-related article since: http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28288

DiscoGhost: Jun 9th 2008; 11:18AM

to all who said "I love the onion" etc. you may also love Sarcastic Gamer. They wrote nearly the same article about a month ago:

http://sarcasticgamer.com/wp/index.php/2008/05/liberty-city-pd-on-strike.html

kataztrophy: Jun 9th 2008; 12:17PM

No idea is original(especially the the obvious ones like this). GTA cops have always been a bunch of scrubs. Why are people only taking notice of it now?

Gaucho: Jun 9th 2008; 11:26AM

wow, you guys are late on this. This came out last week.

Justin McElroy: Jun 9th 2008; 11:52AM

And when breaking news like this drops, it's key to get it out as quickly as possible.

mr mobius: Jun 9th 2008; 12:14PM

Not know that even the internet in South Africa has a time delay. Thats why Justin took as long. He just replied to your comment pre-emptively since there is always a comment like this on this type of article.

Korova *Pyro aspect*: Jun 9th 2008; 12:19PM

Justin,

You broke my sarcasm meter. Now what am I gonna do?

teenagertc: Jun 9th 2008; 11:31AM

The Onion > NY Post & NY Daily News

Gaucho: Jun 9th 2008; 11:43AM

& the onion > NY times

Geoffrey Sperl: Jun 9th 2008; 12:36PM

Ahhhh... Kiki. The best of the girlfriends in the game. I don't know how many times I've had her clear my wanted levels...

Can't see her moving to the Mushroom Kingdom, though. But I could see her defending Bowser in court...

Judd: Jun 9th 2008; 2:20PM

Yea, it's Mushroom Kingdom, not Mario World.

Besides that, the article was pretty spot on.

Psaakyrn: Jun 9th 2008; 1:34PM

That's kinda the point: ANYWHERE's better than Liberty City.

Though granted they do have awesome kart races there.

Playboy X - PSN: ummfada: Jun 9th 2008; 3:01PM

lol, at Montel in the picture (the cop)

http://www.tvboyfriends.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/windowslivewritermontelwilliams.ilovethisman-f026montel1.jpg

Mutant: Jun 11th 2008; 7:25PM

That was the first Onion article in a while that I read all the way to the end. They usually have a great headline and first paragraph but then they just keep on and on with the same joke.

This one was gold all the way through.

No Trophies for SOCOM at launch, to be patched later Dead Space includes Burnout & Bad Company demos TGS 08: Hands-on with Demon's Souls	Patch 3.0.2 guide to Exotic Pets Patch 3.0.2 primer for Holy Paladins Analyst: WoW to add a million players in a year
Download fresh and free Marketplace content Free N+ level pack leaps onto XBLM MK vs DC Universe brutalizes stores November 16	TGS08: New Fragile trailer reduces stress High Voltage Hot Rod Show 'basically finished' Metareview: Sam and Max: Season One
Mr. ESC plans his exit to Europe Bury the Shovelware: Space Invaders Revolution vs Space Invaders Extreme TGS08: Chrono Trigger, as good as it ever was	TGS 08: Phantasy Star Portable coming to US fo' sho' Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep, The 3rd Birthday TGS trailers leaked Could Yuusha come to the US as 'Destroy All Heroes'?
More Fallout 3 DC subway ads appear Starcraft II first, then Diablo III, says Blizzard VP Nvidia and ATI update their drivers	Gold Medal Ping Pong Player Will Get Counseling After His Post-Pee Argument How Do You Win (Or Lose) 91-0 and Keep Your Class and Dignity? Chinese Ping Pong Gold Medalist Pees Outside Bar, Reportedly Fights Bouncer

Breaking News »